I'm sorry, I just couldn't stay awake long enough.
You, though, because you're so very excitable and excited, had multiple browsers and apps whirling at midnight on Thursday to order your new iPhone XS or XS Max. Or, perhaps, you'll wait for your shiny new blue XR.
Looking with chilled eyes, it seems clear that Apple has been very astute in the way it's positioned these three phones.
It's easy to imagine that the XR might be a little like the 5C -- a cheap and very cheerful starter version of the iPhone.
It isn't. Instead, Cupertino wisely stopped to consider those who are emotionally opposed to paying four figures for a phone. They're people who seek value. Well, at least a little value.
They expect Apple phones to be simple, reliable, a little sexy, and just plain good. So. the XR is a remarkably fine version of the X, with a slightly more, well, populist flavor.
Also: iPhone XS: A cheat sheet for professionalsTechRepublic
Those brighter colors are a signal that say: "Nooooo, I wasn't going to pay more than 1,000 bucks for an iPhone."
Just as the sheer size of the XS Max says: "I'm not just a power user. I'm the sort of power user you should respect because I spent, wait, 1500 bucks for this thing."
The biggest, the best, and the best value are the three choices on offer to those who want -- or even need -- a new iPhone.
And suddenly, there's around $1,000 between Apple's most expensive phone and its cheapest.
It's no longer "What sort of phone would you like?" It's simply "What sort of iPhone would you like?"
Why, though, won't some people rebel? It's not just because Samsung phones are now drifting into the same price areas as have Apple's.
Research emerged this week that suggests an enormous majority of phone users simply stick to their brand.
Conducted by Morning Consult, the study of 2,000 smartphone owners showed that almost 90 percent expect their next phone to be from the same brand as their current one.
Also: Apple's iPhone XS, XS Max, XR tests the limits of your budget CNET
Sixty-one percent described this as very likely. Another 27 percent as somewhat likely. A mere 8 percent said they were somewhat or very likely to switch to another brand.
This despite only 66 percent claiming that they were actual loyalists to one brand or another.
Oddly, millennials claimed to be the most loyal of all. Seventy-five percent of them insisted they'd keep the brand faith. (Naturally, boomers were the most faithless, at 60 percent.)
Increasingly, Apple has given everyone more ways in which to show their loyalty.
Customers can now decide to donate many different amounts of money to Apple's cause and come away satisfied with what they've bought.
Mind you, I'm still concerned about the 2 percent of iPhone X buyers who, as Tim Cook admitted during Wednesday's event, didn't express satisfaction.
Also: iPhone XS: To upgrade or not to upgrade?
Whichever iPhone people buy -- and I fancy the results will reach record proportions -- Apple makes a rather tidy profit and learns a little more about its customers' emotional states.
And then next year, who knows, perhaps there'll be four phones.
Just to immerse you a little more. And excite you, of course.
iPhone 2018 first look: Apple's launch event scene by scene (pictures)
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