A question you may not have asked yourself lately is: "I wonder how the rich are doing these days."
Too often, indeed, you're involuntarily intercepted by headlines telling youhas made the likes of Jeff Bezos even more insanely wealthy than he was last week.
I'm here to help you with that. It seems, you see, that when rich people in Hollywood buy a new house, they have a new demand: an Amazon room.
No, this isn't a place where you can hold a private party every time Amazon releases a new movie. It's much more poignant than that.
According to the Hollywood Reporter, you're nobody in Hollywood unless you have a separate room "to store the many packages that arrive, and also a spot for them to decontaminate before opening."
It's not enough, you see, to have packages on your doorstep, even in a house enveloped by gates and security systems. You now have to have a place where your boxes can commune while they're being de-bugged.
I wonder how such a room will itself be cleaned. Will there be specialist, Hazmat-suited Amazon boys, upgraded from cleaning mere pools to keeping the Hollywood royal family safe from packaged COVID-19 particles?
Has some bright Hollywood producer already commissioned a follow-up to The Panic Room, entitled The Amazon Room? Will Jodie Foster direct?
It seems like a lifetime (movie) ago that Amazon was peddling a service that allowed drivers to come into your house, in order to drop off your packages. Will they now have access to your special Amazon room?
And how on earth will an Amazon Prime Air drone be able to drop packages into the Amazon room? Will the Amazon room have to be on the top floor, with a catflap-like hatch that opens remotely when the drone hovers above?
COVID-19 has truly changed life for the monied.
Now, as well as an Amazon room, Hollywood royalty is apparently demanding architectural elements that harmonize with the new working-from-home habit.
Ergo, not one home office but two. As well as a home gym, a home theater and a home bistro staffed by former Top Chef contestants. (That last one may not be entirely accurate. Only that last one.)
It's instructive how large a role Amazon has come to play in contemporary lives, even of the rich and famous.
It's not as if they'd ever consider having a Walmart Room, is it?