9. Segway
This is to aesthetics what the police baton is to gastrointestinal surgery. My eyes hurt just writing about it.
Also: With Loomo, Segway takes robotics far from the home
Ugly, wacky, and weird gadgets: More resources
8. Google Home
The Shaker family wants its salt dispenser back. It's like a student's submission to CostPlus. A law student's submission.
Also: What it's like inside a life-size Google Home Max
Ugly, wacky, and weird gadgets: More resources
7. The Pager. Any Pager. All Pagers
Sir, that device stuck on your belt looks like an electronic name tag stuck on a dog's collar. It's like a piece fell off your answering machine and got stuck on your hip. Talking of which.
Also: Mobile phone memory lane: What was your first device?
Ugly, wacky, and weird gadgets: More resources
6. The Answering Machine. Any Answering Machine. All Answering Machines
Did they all have to resemble something put together from a kit? By a six-year-old.
Also: Technology that changed us: The 1970s, from Pong to Apollo
Ugly, wacky, and weird gadgets: More resources
5. The Bluetooth Earpiece
A large flying insect died on your ear, sir. It's entered rigor mortis. Have you no compassion? For those of us who have to look at it, that is.
Also: Best Bluetooth in-ear headphones for active geeks
Ugly, wacky, and weird gadgets: More resources
4. Google Glass
You never wondered why people sneered at you and threw bread rolls when you wore these? You think it was just because you were spying on them? No! It was because you looked so perfectly vacuous.
Also: Fake news: The tech products that fooled or failed us
Ugly, wacky, and weird gadgets: More resources
3. The Phone Case. Any Phone Case. All Phone Cases.
Please don't even try explaining to me that this isn't a gadget. It's visually more putrid than Google Glass. Glassholes had an excuse. They were Glassholes. People with phone cases can do something about it.
Also: Decoding OtterBox and LifeProof cases for iPhone X
Ugly, wacky, and weird gadgets: More resources
2. Oculus Rift
Glassholes withdrew from the world relatively quickly. The Rifters are still around. No, you're not Robocop. You're a halfwit with a box strapped to his head.
Also: Developers get a broader VR market with Oculus Go
Ugly, wacky, and weird gadgets: More resources
1. Amazon Echo
And somewhere, the trash can cried: "AND YOU CALL ME UGLY?!" This looks like a trash can designed by someone who truly loathes trash cans. So, he didn't bother to leave it open at the top.
Also: Which Amazon Echo to buy? How to pick the best Alexa